http://www.boston.com/business/ticker/2007/06/harvard_sq_to_b.html

i thought sophomore year was gonna be easier? what the fuck happened?

here's to three more weeks of hell! ugh.......

Current Mood: aggravated

i hate school...le-mai, still want to run off to the circus? *sigh* im really going to have to bust my ass so much harder to do well this semester. as if it hasnt already been hard enough. thank god lost is on tonight or i don't know what i would do.

Current Mood: shitty
Current Music: Bohemian Like You - The Dandy Warhols (Thanks Rachel!)

I love college. The late nights, friends, videogames and the smell of beer always in the crisp autumm air. It's so nice to be back though school sucks. Can I just quit school and enjoy college without it? *sigh* if only it were that easy. So classes so far have not been fun and led to one all nighter of, im sure, are many more to come. i love my housing. dewolfe is the shit. we have cable and a kitchen which ive been making steak in and it has gotten rave reviews so far from all my roommates and val. val makes crepes which are delicious and life is good.

i work for the admissions office now and its good so far, but then again we haven't really started work. well see how that goes but im excited to recruit and such. meeting time...balls. ill have to update later with the peeing in my closet story. and no, it wasn't me.

yea, so it just hit me. theres no way in hell i can go on a roadtrip in september because there's simply no way i could afford it. im responsible for my tuition. me, myself, and i and no one else. goddamn my parents for fucking this shit up, expecially my mom.

thanks guys...

Current Mood: angry
Current Music: Never Win - Fischerspoone

so as i was thinking about next year during my lunch break i realized i am going to be stressed out of my mind and there will be little to no sleep involved. i dont know what classes im taking next year except organic chem and spanish for sure. i was thinking of taking a bio class too but now i dont think theres any way I could.

i recently secured a position at the stem cell institute which i was overjoyed at initially, but now i'm dreading it. not that it wouldnt be awesome but i also have a job for the admissions office next year that requires 8 hours a week and i have no idea how many hours this lab is going to require. plus i wanted to continue my volunteer activities at the homeless shelter and pets as therapy but now i dont know if ill have the time. orgo is going to be shit and i hope my other classes wont be so bad. i guess ill just have to wait and see.

so the term bill comes in like a week and a half and although i have the cash to pay the first bill at $862 i dont know how many payments ill be able to handle. i finally realized the gravity of the situation today. theres no way ill be making enough money to cover the whole year so im fucked...and to think i would be better at managing finances than my mom.

also, in regards to having a life and enjoying college life, i have no idea how im going to do it. with the prospect of two jobs, volunteer activities, classes, labs, homework, papers, etc. it just doesnt seem like itll ever end. i might just have to give up one of the jobs, that of course being the lab position which i want more because i already committed to the admissions office last year. fuck! ive never had trouble balancing all this shit before but now it seems like my eyes became too big for my stomach and to top it all off i cant even pay for the normal serving.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Title and Registration - Death Cab for Cutie

i was hoping to hold off on telling my parents that this was most likely my last summer here and would probably only be home for a few weeks the whole year. but it came out as my mom asked what i was going to do next summer. i could have played it off with a simple "i dont know" or "well see" but nope, i decided to finally let it out that i would probably be back in cambridge for the summer. needless to say, she was was not happy. her anger was the only thing hiding her tears and i actually felt kind of bad for a minute and thought "maybe i can find something to do here next year" or "staying home isnt so bad" but i stayed strong and pushed through.

my dad was less surprised and said he could actually see it coming and said it was probably the best. there was no anger, only encouragement and excitement. i always liked my dad.

i can see why my mom was upset with her oldest son seldom returning home, but aren't parents always wishing their kids would move out? i guess the first one is hard, but i cant imagine what my brother is going to go through. at least my parent have robert to dote on now but what happens when he too ventures from the nest? they wont have anything to fall back on and then he will have a really hard time.

i actually contemplated staying home next summer, but i couldnt see many reasons to. sure, friends are nice and i love them to death and will surely miss them, but other than that what reason do i have to stay home? freedom and independence are great and i miss them, i will get to pass my days in one of the greatest cities in the nation, my gf and a variety of friends and classmates will be there working alongside me, opportunites to further my career are abundant there especially now that the stem cell institute has received that huge grant and ill probably be working there in the fall. here, in merry, merry sacramento the opportunities just dont seem to be there and its time to move on.

my mom still isnt talking to me much and you know what, its her loss. i am going to be across the country for the majority of the next three years. i hope to return to the west for med school although in a major city such as SF, LA, San Diego, etc. but not sacramento, but i could just as easily end up on the east coast i have no idea.

other than that the summer pushes forward as i have my own project at the lab and it seems to be going very well so far and im getting high marks. if only i wasnt so tired every day and wasnt working from 8-6 fairly frequently i could enjoy it more. oh well, a nice run at the gym every day helps to make the day a little better. ive even lost 10 lbs and i hope to lose 5 more to get to my target weight of 155. i also got the first term bill of the year today and its about $900 due August 1 which i have and then $826.50 in october and every month thereafter. ill be able to keep up with the first semester but after that i have no idea what im going to do. i guess if need be i can ask my parents for help or take out loans which i hope i dont have to. well see

man this is a long entry, i better stop rambling tomorrow and go to bed for another 6:30 wake up call

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Under the Influence of Giants - Mama's Room

So it looks like road trip 2k6! will be a no go. As much as I love the blue bomber I don't think it would be able to make it down to LA and back without giving me problems. And of course the parentals won't let use their cars or swap for like a week so its a no go. i guess i could fly down there but shit, thats not as fun and plus i wouldnt have the same mobility around town and such. so ill have 7 days in september to just fuck around and do nothing. i guess golf and lots of drinking will commence.

60 days left for what is likely my last summer in sacramento...

johns was fun the other day but man i really need to stop passing out at these things man. its no fun waking up on the floor the next day still drunk..

summer is 1/3 done and i couldnt be happier. my lab job is killing me, but at least im getting paid and its really helping the days go by.

i have decided to pay for my tuition myself for the next three years because im tired of my parents namely my mom fucking everything up. ever since the good ol days of st. john vianney she has failed to go longer than two months being paid in a timely fashion and recently it has gotten worse. i dont want to have to deal with it anymore and the emails from the financial aid office to pay my bill in addition to being threatened my grades held until the bill is paid are really starting to get old. i have yet to get my financial aid offer yet but im not expecting anything great and it looks like ill be working two jobs during the year to help pay the bill the best i can though loans are starting to look like a necessity. oh well, at least my bill will be paid.

enough of that nonsense for now, i just needed to vent. lake shasta and the houseboat are coming up and its going to be sweet, six guys, girls, no supervision, and lots and lots of booze. its been like 2 weeks since ive had a drink and it would be nice to have a beer or something soon. and then a road trip september 1st - 8th? with val though if anyone else would like to go youre more than welcome its gonna be sweet though we still need to figure out the car situation because the blue bomber probably wont make it to so cal and vals parents hate me and dont even know she still talks to me so theres no way we can use her car and then rental cars you have to be 21 so i dont know what to do. whatever, well figure something out

time for fight club...